The Moose are Loose! What Are They Planning?
Friday, South Dakota got added to a growing list of states where moose have been spotted exploring the human side of the world.
Friday in Brookings, South Dakota, a moose made a mad dash across the football field at SDSU's Dana J. Dykhouse Stadium.
No word on what this largest member of the deer family was doing on campus. Some speculate that it was scoping out a seat for the Jackrabbit's football game the next day. But I think it could be part of a larger pattern, AND plan.
Just last week, on Halloween no less, a moose was spotted taking a stroll in downtown Luverne, Minnesota.
Also this last week, a moose crashed through a school in Canada. And another was caught spying on a party.
To be fair, those last two were in Canada. I don't know much about Canada that I didn't learn from Bob and Doug Mackenzie, but I know they are basically waist-deep in moose up in the great white north. And poutine. I know about poutine.
I mean who doesn't love poutine? French fries, cheese curds, and gravy? It's a perfect meal. But, anyway, I'm getting off track.
Another moose was caught walking around town in Lyon County, Iowa, also on Halloween. Well, it could be a bunch of Bojack Hoseman fans taking cosplay to another level, but I doubt it.
A moose trampled a dog on the hiking trail of Frisco, Colorado on October 30. A few days before that, a moose sashayed into a backyard in Park City, Colorado, and kicked a dog!
The moose are also doing recon in towns in Wyoming. An Alces alces was spotted in both Laramie and Riverton, Wyoming just days apart.
Are these moose incursions part of something else? Maybe the moose are planning something?!?!?!?
I don't know what it could be. What do moose want?
Wikipedia says that "[i]ts diet consists of both terrestrial and aquatic vegetation." This, I think, means that moose like to eat food off the ground and out of the water. The food they eat are generally plants.
The last I checked, the countryside is full of plants. So, chances are they aren't coming to town to eat. We probably won't see them during the Downtown Burger Battle in Sioux Falls.
If they aren't like bears and George Constanza, rooting around our people garbage for food, what are they looking for?
Are they the ones driving up real estate prices? Then sneaking into town to check on their investments?
Are they looking for bowling alleys? I heard that moose like bowling alleys. Well, it was an eight-year-old kid that told me that...at Thanksgiving...a decade ago. So there is a slim chance that I'm misremembering that fact.
Perhaps it is not a coordinated plan by an organized group of moose. It could be just one moose.
Frankly, that is far more frightening. Imagine, a moose that can either run fast enough to travel from Wyoming to Colorado to Iowa, then to Minnesota, and to South Dakota over a couple of weeks.
OR, that moose has Marvel's Dr. Strange's powers. You know, those sparkly circles that let Sherlock and pals travel from place to place.
I suppose It could also have something to do with shrinking habitat and the autumn mating season. Along with learning that moose eat plants, Wikipedia said that moose are solitary creatures and seek out other moose to mate.
So, we've narrowed down the possibilities to magical moose or moose Tinder.
I'm putting my money on the existence of a moose wizard. Because, one, that would be super cool. And two, moose don't have thumbs so how would they swipe?
But, the magic moose theory doesn't answer the question of why the moose seem to have a grudge against dogs. Have we stumbled on a secret moose V. dog war? The investigation must continue.
Let this be a call to action. If you or someone you know sees a moose in town, take a picture and take notes.
We must find out what's going on. And I want to get that Time Stone from it. I have this plan to get rich that involves time-travel, McDonald's Happy Meal Toys, and shorting the 90's Bennie Baby market.
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