Local Birdwatcher’s Funny Fight Against A Crafty Squirrel
It's an epic battle of squirrel vs human. I have a friend who enjoys watching birds in his backyard and uses a bird feeder to attract the peaceful avian.
However, he's got a pesky squirrel that gets to the bird feeder daily and makes a mess by scattering seed all over the lawn. Let's look at his failed squirrel deterrent methods so far:
The Lampshade Method:
The metal cone affixed to the pole proved to be a bust. The inquisitive rodent merely studied it for a few moments and solved it. Other people swear by this method but we're dealing with a particularly crafty varmint here.
The "Slinky" Method:
He was certain this "slinky" contraption was going to finally deter the curious squirrel, but the furry demon used it as a spiral staircase and easily walked up the pole to feast on and scatter the bird seed.
The Stripper Pole Method:
He heard that greasing up the pole holding the bird feeder was a sure winner. Using a personal lubricant, such as KY Jelly, he applied it to the pole. This is the part where we don't need answers to some questions. Sorry to the actual pole dancer pictured, but the sneaky rodent climbed it like a professional stripper and went to town on the bird seed.
The Stinky Pellet Method:
He used the stinky pellet method and it failed as well. It smelled like "rotten eggs and garlic" and the squirrel seemed to rather enjoy it.
What kind of squirrel is this guy dealing with? Some type of furry Mission: Impossible villain?
Of course, several friends suggested using a .22 rifle to end the problem as he does live on an acreage out of the city limits, but he's recently divorced and could use the company. He's nice that way.
Let's see what the squirrel experts suggest:
Cayenne pepper was proven to be a deterrent after several applications, according to SquirrelExpert.com. *MAYBE
One expert suggested a motion-activated sprinkler. This seems an expensive remedy and may even give the rodent some much-needed hydration or a bath after the messy feast. And how would this work in the winter? *FAIL
Flashing LED lights. This, too, seems a bit extreme. Nobody wants their backyard attracting attention from aircraft and looking like the 90s dance club Night City. *FAIL
Others suggested humanely trapping the varmint and dropping it off miles from your home. One problem: where there's one squirrel, there's always more. Maybe not as crafty as this one, but they will return. It doesn't seem to be a solution to pack it a peanut butter sandwich, telling it to "write if you find work!" and kicking him out of your '94 Sebring convertible. *FAIL
Any ideas are welcome. Normally, I'd say there are no bad ideas at this meeting. But apparently there are.
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