What Would a Spy Balloon See If It Flew Over Sioux Falls?
The nation was totally fixated on the spy balloon drama last week when a keen eye in Montana first spotted it. An anxious heartland had their eyes to the skies before it was ultimately shot down over the Atlantic.
Tracking shows that the spy balloon actually flew over a portion of western South Dakota before heading southeast to Nebraska, Kansas, and Missouri.
If the famous spy balloon had flown over Sioux Falls, what would it have seen?
1. A-Hole drivers merging onto a busy interstate at 30 mph. ProTip: Ramps are made to get up to speed!
2. One of the last JC Penney stores in America.
3. Very large figure known as Mr. Bendo holding a tailpipe.
4. Potholes. That spy balloon won't need to zoom in to see some of these recent potholes can swallow a cat.
5. A ka-jillion SilverStar Car Washes. We won't rest until there's one on every corner. You hear me, balloon?
6. The pointy spires of The Cathedral of St. Joseph. These are totally balloon poppers.
7. Western Avenue's traffic headaches. The city has never figured out traffic solutions for Western and I-229, Western and 57th, Western and...(fades off into infinity)
8. People standing on street corners yelling at traffic. I'm looking at you anger ball on 41st and Minnesota last week! We enjoyed getting "the bird" from you while waiting for the light to turn green.
9. My neighbors Christmas Lights. Let's tone it down, Griswold. It's February.
10. Balloon secret transmission: "Base, you seeing this? How many Walmarts does this town need??"
11. 9 out of 10 people who have no interest in actually pedaling on the downtown Sip n' Cycle.