A female patron of a Starbucks in Florida was arrested on drug charges Thursday after staff members notified police that she had been masturbating in the lobby of the coffee shop chain.


Bradenton, Fla. police say they responded to a report that Jennifer Piranian, 29, had been masturbating inside the shop. Piranian (left) told officers she was en route to a local hospital, when they offered her a ride. Nice guys, those officers.

When the police asked to check Piranian's purse prior to the ride, she consented, and the cops found a pipe with cocaine residue in her bag. Piranian was arrested for possession of narcotics and drug paraphernalia.

For what it's worth, Thursday was November 1, the day Starbucks welcomes the seasonal return of red serving cups — as well as Gingerbread, Caramel Brulee and Egg Nog lattes. Those items are usually met with much excitement, but this is a one-upping, indeed.

Before you head into a Starbucks and ask for whatever she's having, please remember to check your local ordinances — and wash your hands.

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