Minor spoilers are below. Proceed with caution, you have been warned.

Gene Page/AMC

When I think of things that move slowly I think of zombies, sloths, molasses in January, bathroom lines at a bar, and old people driving. The last four episodes of "The Walking Dead" moved slower than all of these things combined.

Since the fall of the prison at the end of the first half of this fourth season, almost nothing has happened. Rick had a harrowing encounter with some intruders in his makeshift home, Carl ate 112 ounces of chocolate pudding, we finally and briefly met Abraham, played by Michael Cudlitz, and there were a few token zombie kills here and there to placate those dying for action. But at this point, isn't a zombie kill in the "The Walking Dead" about as exciting as Sheldon saying "bazinga" on "The Big Bang Theory?"

We have learned a few things about some of our favorite characters, Daryl and Michonne in particular, but nothing ground shaking. In the spirit of not ruining the surprise for you, I'll leave the other things out.

It is maddening to me how this show will just sit still anywhere from four to six episodes. Everyone talks about their feelings or what to do next while doing nothing to advance the story. The most recent slowdown is even worse than nursing home gym class that was season two. It took two episodes to tell us that everyone was still alive (which could have been done in 20 minutes, tops). Remove that information from the equation and, if you have missed the last four episodes, you have literally missed nothing.

If asked, I'm sure the suits that run "The Walking Dead" would talk dramatically, and at great length, about all the things we're learning about Daryl, Michonne, Beth, the character development, the pudding and crazy cheese -- enough!

Hey, TWD Suits! Remember how season one had a logical progression through six consecutive episodes that had equal parts character and action? That's what we want. But that's not what we're going to get. The story is not moving. The 'Dead' is dead right now and I'm starting to care less about this show that I love. Sure, the last two episodes of the season will be great and get me thirsty for more in the fall. But why does it have to be that way? They should just change the name to "The Crawling Dead" and get it over with.

 Episode 413 "Alone" Preview