Urine-Powered Video Games Coming to Minor League Park
Interested in pissing away your summer? Head to a Lehigh Valley IronPigs game.
The Phillies’ Class AAA minor league franchise is helping fans go from Wii to wee by debuting urine-controlled video games in the bathrooms of Coca-Cola Park near Allentown, Pa. this season. See a computer-generated example in the video above to go. It seems to us like a simple game of ‘Mario Kart’ could result in a soaked leg for the guy at the next stall, but whatever.
According to a…er, release, Coca-Cola Park will be the first sports venue in the world to feature the Urinal Gaming System. The systems will be included in all men’s bathrooms at the ballpark.
When a fan approaches the urinal, the selected console will switch into game mode and detect a user’s “presence and stream.” The screen above the urinal directs the gameplay. The games will vary, testing a user’s “agility and knowledge.” Users will receive their score at the end of the session (flush). High scores will be displayed on videoboards around the ballpark.
This is what modern manhood has come to: competing with each other’s urine streams. You just know that there are guys who will drink two Big Gulps and pre-game in the parking lot for hours before they get into the park just to get into the top 10. Thankfully, the IronPigs were smart enough to put the games in every men’s bathroom to avoid lines of bros wanting to be next up to pee away the fourth inning.
“These games are sure to make a huge splash,” said IronPigs General Manager Kurt Landes. “Our fans are always looking for the next big thing and these ‘X-Stream games’ are another example of our commitment to providing an unparalleled entertainment experience in all aspects of Coca-Cola Park, including our restrooms.”
Notice that there are no plans to put these types of games in the women’s bathrooms. The lines are long enough already, and, just ask your girlfriend, sister or mom — when a girl decides to pee, it’s all business: like a water drop on a forest fire.
Part of the rationale the franchise gave for installing the pee-powered games is that they will raise awareness of prostate health, the release stated:
“Baseball fans know all about RBI, ERA and OBP,” said Angelo Baccala, MD, of Lehigh Valley Urology Specialty Care and chief of Lehigh Valley Health Network’s division of urology. “But when it comes to their own PSA, many men don’t have a clue. We see this game as a fun and unique opportunity to remind men about the importance of prostate health.”
Egad! As if getting fragged in ‘Call of Duty: Black Ops II’ by his grandson every day and forgetting where he parked wasn’t humiliating enough, Pap-Pap will now be stream-shamed at the old ballgame. Thanks, IronPigs!