All indicators would suggest that the phone book is going the way of the VCR, cassette tape, and Sears catalogs. But we keep getting those phone books delivered to us.

I mean with smart phones, IPads, Laptops, etc. if you want a phone number all you have to do is ask Siri or Google and they will buzz the contact for you.

So, I've been asking around to see who still uses phone books to look up phone numbers. My scientific polling numbers calculate that .0001% use the books before calling someone (polling calculations have a plus or minus margin of error around 50%...or so).

I then our team did an exhaustive search and found that .0001%. They were Dawn Alby and Jody Hoffman over at Agape Salon & Spa here in Sioux Falls. These nice ladies said they did indeed use their phone books to look up phone numbers. Good use of resources ladies!

Lets be like Dawn & Jody and not let these big books go to waste.  I have come up with
The Top 5 Alternative Uses For Phone Books:

5. Child Booster Seat – How many times have you gone to a public eatery and the seats just weren't high enough for your kid?  The fix: Simply tuck a spare phone book away in the Misses 'Kate Spade.”  She keeps so much crap in her purse, she'll never even know it's along. Then when you need boost that baby, presto you're golden!

4. Conflict Resolution Letters – Have that neighbor that invites his drunken softball buddies over late at night to tune up his '78 Vega. Use the letters and numbers from the phone book to cut & paste together an anonymous letter saying: “You better cut that crap out or the cops are gonna find out about you backyard 'herb' garden!”

3. Starting Fires – Just what you need for the urban fire pits. Rip the pages out. Roll 'em tight. Wrap them with duct tape and soak in lighter fluid. Stand back before you light. Better yet, give these away as gifts to your neighbor and his softball buddies.

2. Science Projects – Use the heavy pages of your phone directory in which to dry beautiful fall foliage for little Jimmy's school leaf drying project. Just remember to take them out before you make your Fire Starters.

1. “50 Shades” Entertainment Props – Be creative. Have a safe word.

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