A Sioux Falls sparrow was found dead on Monday on the awning of the front entrance to a radio station.

Jack Sparrow was allegedly murdered by rival robins in the ongoing turf war at Results Radio - Townsquare Media.

“These two species have been at war over perching and nesting spots that the building provides,” a police spokesman said. “There will likely be more blood.”

The war began on August 3, 2009 when a nest built in the front of the building by some sparrows was taken over by Shonda Robin. The next day Robin never showed up for work and has been missing ever since. Her relatives think they know where she is.

Shonda Robin, shown here with her children July 31, 2009 (Clipart)

“I know that evil Jack Sparrow did something to my Robin,” said her husband Bob. ”They were pouring the foundation for the radio station’s generator back then. I think he threw her into the concrete.”

A contractor denied helping Jack Sparrow dispose of Robin’s body.

“What the hell are you talking about?” Marty Berry, the concrete contractor said. “I was never there. I was on vacation that week.”

Jack Sparrow in 2015 (Clipart)

This is satire. It’s not real, obviously. But it was fun to write. ~Andy


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