Celebrities Who Should’ve Been Time’s ‘Person of the Year’
Despite 4 Chan’s successful attempt at getting Kim Jong-un to win the most votes for Time magazine’s Person of the Year, the magazine is going with President Obama. Again. Sheesh, don’t pick the dictator everybody voted for, but that doesn’t mean you have to pick somebody who’s already won. Here are five other perfectly viable candidates, in our opinion. Maybe we should start a campaign next year.
‘Jersey Shore’s’ Deena Cortese
The self-proclaimed “meatball” did a LOT of heavy lifting (and drinking) filling the bloated train-wreck shoes left behind by a pregnant Snooki for ‘Jersey Shore’s’ final season. When you’re the one getting carted away by the cops for public intoxication during the season where The Situation is living the sober life, it’s safe to say you need to chill on the tequila shooters.
Having the most viewed YouTube video of all time should be enough to get you on the top of Time’s list. Plus, Psy’s hit song opened the world’s eyes to the opulent lifestyles of citizens in the Gangnam District of South Korea. That, and it gave middle managers an awkward horsey dance to do at their office holiday party.
Honey Boo Boo
Giving poor Alana “Honey Boo Boo” Thompson the title of Person of the Year is the least we could do. Think about the hours of entertainment the nation has had at her antics. How we’ve chuckled at her malapropisms (“redneckinize”) and gratuitous tummy wiggles. It won’t be so funny when she’s washed up and pregnant with quadruplets at age 16, but for now we can all enjoy her 15 or so minutes.
Hey, remember when this guy jumped from space? Pretty cool, right?? What did you do this year?? Finished grad school and got married? Oh, that sounds pretty impressive. Uh, if you need us, we’ll be drowning our sorrows in mallomars.
Saul from ‘Homeland’
Is there a better father figure on TV than the Mighty Beard of Patinkin? Saul should get the Person of the Year title just for putting up with Carrie’s incessant tantrums. There’s only so much Claire Danes cry-face a person can take.
— Nick Nadel and Emerald Catron