Megadeth Will Give Your Kids Hepatitis
Megadeth’s new song ‘Supercollider’ has been criticized by fans and critics alike, but a doctor says it’s SO bad, it could give your kids hepatitis!
Dr. Josef Kranken claims that a study was done using 100 8-year-olds who volunteered from a Phoenix, Arizona elementary school. Kranken says he has found evidence that repeated exposure to ‘Supercollider’ could lead to inflammation of the liver, similar to the Hepatitis X virus.
It’s not all bad news for Megadeth however. Of the 50 children infected with the new Megadeth song, 46 of them developed symptoms within 3 to 5 hours. The other 50 students, who only listened to songs off the album “Rust In Peace”, showed no immediate health issues and, in fact, scored higher on standardized tests the following day!
Two years ago, Kranken wrote another paper on adverse effects of prolonged metal listening. Called “The Great Radikult Syphilis Epidemic of 2011”, Kranken forecast a major worldwide outbreak of syphilis due to Morbid Angel’s release of the album “IIud Divinum Insanus”. The study was debunked by several doctors, including noted Harvard immunologist Dr. Steven Copley, who went on to famously quip “the only possible way to catch a venereal disease listening to heavy metal is by standing too close to Vince Neil during a Motley Crue concert.”