Who needs emotionally-charged commercials when you can just be a straight-up thug to make your point?

Pittsburgh defense attorney Daniel Muessig stars in this epic three-and-a-half-minute ad, in which criminals thank him for his help before he gives a ridiculous pitch about what makes him so good bad good. Even sleazy ambulance chasers will wince at it in embarrassment, while used car salesmen give thanks they didn't get into such a shady industry.

Muessig basically comes across as the type of lawyer you'd see in a John Grisham novel and the most absurd attorney since this guy used pyrotechnics to woo clients. Guess not everyone in the legal profession can have a heart.

In the spot, Muessig soothingly confesses, "Trust me. I may have a law degree, but I think like a criminal." At least he's honest, right?

Be sure to stay tuned until the end when he tosses in a religious reference to either win you over with one last push or completely offend you on every level.

Amazingly, Muessig appears to be a real lawyer, despite the commercial's attempts to make you wonder if this is all a joke.