Herpes Infected Monkeys Terrorize Florida

A colony of Rhesus monkeys in Florida has been declared a public hazard. The monkeys, which aren't native to Florida, were brought in during the 1930's for a Tarzan themes exhibit on Silver River Island. Colonel Tooey, who started the exhibit, originally brought three pairs of Rhesus monkeys. Now, the population is more than 1,000 and over half are infected with Herpes B. Originally, the monkeys were marooned on the island, but they quickly learned to swim. There have been sightings of them hundreds of miles away from Silver River State Park, even as far away as Jacksonville. There had been no reported incidents of infection from the monkeys.

How did the monkeys get infected? Colonel Tooey, did you get a little lonely out on that island? And who the hell taught them to swim?? If those little buggers learn to fly, we've got a Wizard of Oz movie for the 21st century!