Looking For Love on Craigslist By Posing as Centaurs
Despite possessing many positive qualities, brothers Dave and Mike found themselves date-less for their cousin’s impending nuptials.
Having been told by the bride that dates are “mandatory” because she doesn’t want them “harassing all of my friends all night” the pair took to Craigslist to find two women — preferably sisters or friends — to accompany them to the wedding.
Their ad (which you can read below) is very well-written. It’s full of humor and self-awareness and even lands a successful Ashton Kutcher joke. The ad would stand out in the activities partner section of Craigslist even if it didn’t include a picture of their faces Photoshopped onto the bodies of centaurs.
But it did include said centaur shot. And because of that, Dave and Mike received over 500 responses and have scored a viral hit.
So bravo, Dave and Mike. You’ve cracked the Craigslist code and will now have your choice of lovely young ladies to bring to your cousin’s big day.
Unless you actually are centaurs. That would just be weird. Fascinating, but weird.
My brother and I are looking for wedding dates for our cousin’s wedding in majestic Saratoga, New York on March 23rd, 2013.
We’ve been told by the bride that bringing dates is “mandatory” so we “won’t harass all of my friends all night” and “stay under control”. Rather than ask some fringe women in our lives to go and face the inevitable ‘does this mean he wants to take it to the next level!?’ questions, we’d rather bring complete strangers and just figure it out. Still reading? In anticipation of your questions we’ve developed an FAQ section below.
Dave, Mike… What’s in it for me?
• An excuse to get dressed up
• Open bar & food all night
• Eccentric/downright dangerous bro-2-bro dance moves (may need to sign a waiver)
• True Love
• Royalties once our night’s story is developed into a romantic comedy*
*if this happens (we estimate the chances at 85%) we refuse the right to let Ashton Kutcher play either of our characters, however, we will consider him for a supporting role.
SO – What are you fellas like, anyway?
Oh us? We’re both in our 20s, single, dashingly tall, Anglo-Saxon, respectfully athletic, love to party, completely house trained, relaxed, passionate, smell great, have cool hair, clean up nice, boast great tie collections, will promise to shave, love our mother, have seen Love Actually several times, controversial, provocative, short-sighted (with a big picture mentality), raw, emotional, sensitive but still bad boys.
What should us ladies be like?
You should respond in pairs as you’ll want to know at least 1 person at this wedding. Sisters (twins?!) are preferable, but we’ll take friends, or even enemies. You should be attractive or our aunts will judge you, but not TOO attractive or one of our uncles might grope you. You should be relaxed and easy going as we’ll probably make up flattering lies about you on the spot. You should own a dress, or be able to acquire one because we don’t have any. If (when) you respond you should send some pictures of yourself so we know you’ve met the above requirements. Feel free to include a resume; this is a classy wedding and we’re looking for well-rounded women. Interesting/unique pairings are encouraged; don’t be afraid to make yourself stand out!
This feels kinda creepy, are you guys Craigslist killers?
No. Well, if you want to be techni.. nevermind. No, we aren’t. We just genuinely want to do something different and we don’t see any other way to approach it. What would verify our normalness? Facebook? Instagram? We can have a pre-date screening (interview) prior to the wedding and play 20 questions over a coupla cocktails if you’d like?
We’re IN! What now?
First off — smart thinking. Email us, send along some pictures, information, high school athletic stats, questions, etc. We’ll take it from there.”